a heart set on pilgrimage

 I am taking a class on the Old Testament via an online seminary class.  Tonight we had our first online chat/interactive class. 

 Tonight, our first online chat was on the topic of “Torah and Life: The Relationship between Love and Grace”.  The discussion, overall, was excellent.  People asked really good questions and had great insights.  At the very end of our session the professor shared two examples on joyful obedience to a law: one being on a friend of his and the other was with his wife and one way that he serves her.  As I read the second example I began to realize that I do live under Grace, but that obedience to God’s law shows a form of love…one that is somewhat sacrificial, dying to what I might want or need or desire in that moment, but instead obeying/walking/living out what I know to be right in the eyes of my Lord.  In my professor’s second example, I saw sacrificial love so clearly demonstrated.  It’s wasn’t a major sacrifice that he described, just a simple, ongoing way that he serves his wife by cleaning up when he’s done shaving.  Sounds easy enough, but even the most simple of acts can be a sign of sacrificial love, especially when it goes against what we might want to do or what we would just do naturally if left to our own accord.

 It seemed like a million thoughts ran through my mind in less than a minute.  If God’s two greatest commandments are to love Him and then to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matt 22:37-39) I thank God for His unlimited patience (1 Tim 1:16) and His Grace, because I began to see so clearly my own selfishness and how much room I have to grow when it comes to this kind of love.  

 I hear it all the time,”just love people”.  That’s all we have to do is to love people.  

 But what does that mean? 

 I mean, I think I love people and I think I love God.  I know that sometimes I get it right, but perhaps I have more room to grow than I ever before realized.  Tonight, at the end of the class I found myself face to face with the reality of my own selfishness (something that has been coming to the surface for me recently).  I saw it in those times I chose not to obey God.  I saw it in the spiritual tantrums I have every so often.  And as I looked around at the shared room I had taken over in my house, I saw that blatant selfishness in how I live and serve (or don’t serve) my roommates.  Conviction fell hard.  I love and I’m learning to love, but so seldom does that love seem to extend beyond me, myself, and I. 

 The beautiful example of sacrificially loving one’s spouse left me wide-eyed and convinced of the lack of sacrifice within the love I claim to give.  On one hand I found myself in awe and extremely comforted by the sacrificial love that is displayed so perfectly to us in Christ.  On the other hand, I was convicted by the reality of my own lack of such love.  Seeing how I deal with what I’ve been given today, my mind turned to one of the things my heart longs for most - a spouse - my heart was challenged by the question of whether I could ever love a spouse with this kind of sacrificial love…especially when it comes to simple, everyday actions that seem little enough but, in turn, communicate love and respect in a huge way. 

 By God’s grace…perhaps one day I will.

 And by God’s grace (until then, and thereafter) He’ll continue to teach me what it really means to love Him and those around me.